So it’s now officially the last night of my maternity leave. The baby’s been put to bed (although at the moment she isn’t sleeping, just rolling around in her crib), I’ve done all the cuddling and smooching I can do now. It feels a little like skydiving or cliff jumping or something, this whole back to work thing. You know it’s probably not going to be the end of you (but hey, it might be), and you’ll feel really good and strong for having done it, but it doesn’t make taking that first step any easier. It doesn’t make it easier to see an “after,” all you see is the first step. So the best thing to do is not think about it, just dive in. I’ve been trying to get my desk organized, my back to school existence in working order, things are arranged, outfits are coordinated. But I still have a knot in my stomach.

Adam’s taking the day off to hang out with H tomorrow, which I think is awesome. They’ve never had a whole daddy/daughter day together before, and it means I just have to get myself out the door the first morning. No diaper bags and car seats to juggle, I can just go. And come home. It’s just the teachers back tomorrow, so I can just focus on the finishing touches for the library and getting organized. I can do this.

I’d go pick her up for one last hug, but now she’s fast asleep.