Okay, I give up. I cannot make sugar cookies into festive spheres. I had a vision of these wonderful cookie lollipops enrobed in brightly colored icing for my dessert table at this cookout.

Here’s the thing I refused to acknowledge: no matter how long I chill the dough, when it goes in the oven it melts. Yes! Adam (trooper that he is) kept trying to reason with me, kept trying to explain that the heat will make them gooey and they will sink into regular cookies. I was determined to defy all laws of physics and food science and Make. This. Work. 

Here’s our discussion about it, just to give you a glimpse into my sheer determination.

Adam: Let’s talk this out. The oven is hot, right? So even if you’ve chilled this dough for days, it’s going to go in the hot oven.

Me: I will concede that point.

Adam: So any 3D shape you make is going to be heated up and melted in the oven. They are always going to come out that shape. Wonderfully delicious, non ball-shaped cookies.

Me: I thought if I experimented with different recipes I could make it work. This one didn’t have baking soda or baking powder, I hoped that would make the magic.

Adam: *mouth full of cookie* These are delicious, why can’t they just be this shape?

Me: *mouth full of cookie* It’s hard to keep them on the toothpicks as lollipops.

Adam: You used toothpicks? I’m sorry to tell you this, but those were never going to work.

Me: Why not?  They’ve worked for hors d’ouevres at our other parties.

Adam: Yes, but those were not made out of solid dough. The cookies are too heavy, they’ll fall off or break.

Me: Yes, I kind of learned that lesson when this batch came out with lopsided toothpicks that came loose right away. It’s very inconvenient, what am I supposed to use?

Adam: I thought you were going to use lollipop sticks.

Me: What?! Those would ruin the entire look I’ve envisioned!

Adam: *can no longer speak, too busy coughing and choking on cookie from laughing too hard at my indignance*

FADE TO BLACK.

I now admit defeat. And, I begrudgingly admit to Adam’s additional point that cookies in all shapes and sizes are deserving of equal love and affection from me. Not everything needs to be on a stick, no matter how giddy this apparently makes me. I am now evaluating regular, perfectly delicious and sane options like frosted cookies and festive brownies.